When someone asks, “Hey, how are you doing?,” we can go through the list of things we are experiencing in our lives, and typically, we go to something that’s off, something that’s wrong, something that’s negative. So much so, that often times we don’t even realize we are doing it. We find ourselves focusing on the burdens and complaining: “I’m so tired, I hardly slept,” or “I have a cold that’s making me miserable,” or “I have so much to do; I have a lot of emails; I can’t keep up with my work,” or “It seems I’m always going to the doctor, my body is falling apart,” etc.
The problem with complaining is not that you’re telling the truth. I mean, at some point we just need to be able to share our burden with someone. That’s a good thing to be able to do. The problem with complaining is that if we constantly do this, we eventually become a complainer. C.S. Lewis talks about this in his book, The Great Divorce, where he says some people grumble so much that they become a grumble.
The Bible actually prohibits us from complaining where St. Paul says in his letter to the Philippians to do everything without grumbling. Oh gosh, we don’t follow this rule very well, do we? I’m certainly a big offender. Now, of course, we don’t want to become that kind of person so how do we avoid that?
Upon pondering this…here’s what I’ve realized: almost everything I complain about is connected to either an opportunity or a gift. For example, I may have this huge project that I have to get done that is hanging over my head. However, by looking at this through a different perspective, I see that I have this wonderful opportunity to be a part of this big project that is going to make a positive difference in others’ lives! Or perhaps I am flooded with emails at work and I’m feeling the weight of having to attend to each one.
New perspective: The reason I am getting these emails is because people have questions and I have the opportunity to help and lighten the load of others! Or perhaps, I have several commitments to serve [insert service here] this week but that means I now have the weight of re-arranging other important items.
New perspective: I actually have the opportunity to serve others that will hopefully bring joy to people! Or my knee really hurts when I walk.
New perspective: There were countless days, months, years when my knee didn’t hurt and perhaps it’s time to be grateful for that!
I want to become that humble and thankful kind of person…even though I am not feeling well, I have heavy burdens, my time is being stretched, I’m exhausted, my job is stressful, etc.…and be able to do what St. Paul says in his letter to the Thessalonians, “In all things give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Yes, I’ve got this burden, but changing my perspective and seeing the gift, the opportunity placed before me, allows room for inner peace…and THIS is what God wants for us, because He loves us!
So, today, when someone says, “Hey, how are you doing?” try to resist the desire to complain. Sure, there may be a person or two in our lives to whom we can share our burden, but also share the opportunity, the gift. “Actually, what’s going on right now is I’m feeling a bit low because of [insert burden here], but you know what? I had an incredible opportunity/gift [insert gift here] that God has given me”.
Isn’t that something worth focusing on?
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” ~ Willie Nelson
To connect with Tina Charest, visit her directory profile at
https://www.catholiclifecoaches.com/tina-charest
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