We’ve all heard the expression, Hate the sin, but love the sinner. I’ve used it many times myself. As I was thinking of it recently though, it occurred to me that perhaps we have that backwards, which could account for a lot of the problems and division we see in the world today.
Let’s face it, there is a lot of sin out there today to hate—crimes against children, sexual depravity, abortion, murder, racism, greed and rampant corruption. Should we hate such things? Absolutely! These are abominations that hurt everyone and wound the heart of our loving Lord. But should our hatred for sin really come first? Isn’t it harder then, to love those caught up in these sins, and especially those promoting sin, whether out of ignorance with good intentions or with malice and a nefarious agenda?
A lot of us assume this expression comes directly from scripture but, interestingly, it doesn’t. It was originally from Saint Augustine of Hippo who said: Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum which is translated: With love for mankind and hatred of sins, or more literally, love the person and hate vice.
I didn’t actually know that. I had to look it up. And to my surprise, my hunch was correct. We do seem to have it backwards.
“Love the person and hate the vice.”
Do you see the difference? Our first focus should always be love, not hate. There is a place for hate…and we’ll get to that.
True love loves in charity but also and always in truth. Think of your own children. When a young child is belligerent and disobedient, the real problem is not first our wounded pride because they don’t listen to us. It’s because we love them that we want to train them to be obedient early in little things for their own good and safety. When they’re playing outside and you see a car coming, you want them to listen immediately and get out of the way, not to debate the issue. The consequences can be deadly. It’s because you love them that you hate the sin of disobedience that can harm them. Does it sometimes manifest at being angry at them? Yep…and that can cause a lot of confusion.
As we survey society, we see so much wreckage due to sin. Broken marriages, the pride that holds those grudges that divide families, disordered sexual desires, millions of aborted children and the wounded parents they leave behind, greed and corruption that leave poverty in its wake and media gaslighting that works overtime to perpetuate the lies and confusion. Too many today subscribe to a Machiavellian ethic in which the end justifies any means.
It is so easy to hate these sins…and often too hard to love these sinners. Why? Because we have it backwards. When we love—truly love and want the good of another, the sin that hurts them becomes anathema to us. Love comes first.
I experienced that in the prolife movement. Those focused only on the injustice to the babies whose lives are extinguished, became easy prey for the devil who would stir up hatred for those who committed these sins. Those who shifted their focus to the mothers facing unplanned pregnancies and offering help, without judgment, became the powerhouses of the movement for life. And those who rightfully understood the desperation and pain of those who made that choice and offered help, healing and mercy transformed the prolife cause. Do they all hate the sin? Yes…but those who could focus more on loving the sinners (which, by the way includes all of us- just to be clear), were able to do the most good, save the most babies, help the most souls and receive the greatest peace and blessing.
But let’s explore this from another angle. What happens when we seem to love the sinner so much that we deny the sin? We don’t want to hurt their feelings. We want them to be happy here and now. We don’t want to lose our relationship with them…and so we tolerate the sin, deny it…or even in some cases celebrate it?
How do we navigate when sin actually becomes their identity? Let’s face it, we all have disordered passions. We’re all wounded by original sin and those sins committed against us, especially in our formative years. It can manifest as greed, or gluttony, or lust or any number of sinful tendencies. Some are rooted in deep wounds from childhood. But there is a trend in our society to isolate one aspect of our lives, often a sinful or disordered one, and claim it as our identity and even pridefully celebrate it. What do we do with that? How do we separate the sin from the sinner when that sin is their claimed identity?
We go back to basics. Love the sinner first. Love them. See the good in them. Don’t fall into the trap of accepting any one aspect of a person as their entire identity. The ex-con who did his time and has had a true conversion of heart, needs our love and respect to help him to continue his growth in wholesome living and holiness. He may see himself as an ex-con. Can you love him to see beyond that?
Those who may struggle with their sexual inclinations and identity—can you see them first as beloved children of God? Can you recognize your aversion for their choices as an outgrowth of true love for them? Can you love them more than you hate their sin?
There are a lot of people to disagree with today. The young communists we see rising up politically—can we love them, despite how wrong we think they may be? Can we hate communism not only for the harm it may do to society, but even for the harm it will inevitably do to those promoting it? It’s a trap of the devil to convince them that they will somehow be benefited and spared the destruction communism always, inexorably leads to. Forgive them Father for they know not what they do…
Let’s face it, we are all blinded by sin in one way or another. The Christian life is a constant battle to be aware of our own sins lurking beneath the surface and to constantly surrender them to Christ in the confessional to receive the grace to fight another day. Not everyone has had the benefit of Christian moral formation. Not everyone has had the benefit of a loving family and a stable childhood. The world, the flesh and the devil are powerful enemies…and it’s only in Christ that we overcome them. And it’s only through love, true love that loves the sinner and hates the sin because it harms them, that those lost in sin can find the grace to turn from their sin to Jesus.
We need to get this in the right order.
Allison is also the Founder and President of www.CatholicTherapists.com, and CatholicLifeCoaches.com, which provide nationwide networks of screened and dedicated Catholic therapists and Catholic life coaches.
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