Embracing Catholicism as a way of life within the family and the domestic church produces strong Catholic families.
One way we can we accomplish this goal is by using communication tools based on Catholic wisdom to help family members experience healthy interactions within the family.
“Seek first to understand then to be understood.” St. Francis of Assisi
“Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” James 1:19
In a conversation with someone, what are we often doing instead of listening? Maybe, thinking about what we want to say next?
Giving someone your complete attention when they are speaking is a loving act. Love is our mission.
A good listener begins by choosing to listen. They set their agenda aside and place their full attention on the speaker. They seek to hear and understand what the other is saying. A way to know if you have heard someone correctly is to wait until they are done talking and then paraphrase what they have said. You can ask the speaker if you heard them correctly or ask questions if you are unsure of what has been said. It shows you are sincerely paying attention by wanting further clarification.
One attitude that is helpful in becoming a good listener is a willingness to listen. Not by willpower, but by willingness. It is a choice. It requires patience. Patience is not mindless endurance. It is a spiritual discipline. It is an acceptance in union with the sufferings of Christ. How might becoming an effective listener help us to heal and share love in our families? Having a willing, loving listener can sometimes bring healing. Also, it gives the speaker the opportunity to come to their own conclusions and solutions to their problem. This style of communication can bring repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. It is more important to care about God and the other person than the feelings that may have provoked us in a conversation. One way we can be provoked is if the speaker is criticizing us. It can be helpful to realize that the criticism is often a statement about the speaker and not about us. To find that grain of truth in a criticism and acknowledge that piece of truth can often derail hot conflict. For example, “You are right, sometimes I do not listen carefully.” Learn to separate the truth from the value judgment implied in the tone of voice. Focus on the grain of truth – the truth will set you free. Do not give power to the value judgement because that is when we become defensive and stop listening.
It is possible that our difficulty in being patient listeners has providential purposes. Patience requires humility. In humility we are acted upon by God.
The first words in the Rule of St. Benedict are “listen and obey.” To obey God is to listen to Him, to renounce our own will. To sincerely listen to others requires us to tame our will through patience, humility, and softening of the heart.
“If you hear His voice today, harden not your hearts.” Hebrews 3:15
Practice silence in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. As we listen, we will hear the quiet whispers of the Holy Spirit within us.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of the faithful and kindle within them the fire of your love.
If you would like to continue developing effective communication skills and conflict management skills, a Catholic Life Coach can help you accomplish this goal.
To connect with Nancy Franz, visit her directory profile at
https://www.catholiclifecoaches.com/nancy-franz
- Healthy Interactions Produces Strong Catholic Families - July 25, 2024
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