I always found Pope Francis to be a hopeful person. Not just in his light-hearted demeanor and frequent use of humor, but moreover that his hopeful approach to life was deeply rooted in the view of the human person understood in the light of God as our infinitely merciful Father.
He was also pretty hopeful about families! Check this out quote from our late Pontiff:
“Amid all the difficulties troubling our families in our world today, please, never forget one thing: families are not a problem, they are first and foremost an opportunity. An opportunity which we have to care for, protect and support. In other words, they are a blessing. Once you begin to see the family as a problem, you get bogged down, you don’t move forward, because you are caught up in yourself.” (Pope Francis, Meeting with Families in Cuba, September 2015).
So, the way we think about the family—an opportunity vs. a problem—would actually affect how someone is able to show when there is an issue, by either getting bogged down and caught up in oneself, or being able to move forward. How one thinks about families matters!
The way that Pope Francis speaks about families resonates for me with the approach I use as a family coach: Natural Family Systems Theory (also known as Bowen Theory after the founder, Dr. Murray Bowen). Dr. Murray Bowen had an original idea, which is actually pretty hard to come by in the field of science. This original idea was that the family is a natural system (hence the title of the theory), with much in common with all other natural systems that exist. What does that mean concretely? As an individual I cannot be understood outside the context of my family. Just like it doesn’t make sense to talk about the movements of the earth, the sun and the moon without talking about the gravitational pull of the other planets in our solar system, and just as it doesn’t make sense to talk about one animal in an ecosystem without considering its food source, its habitat, its predator, the seasons, etc., so too each individual human person is most accurately understood in the context of their family (both the family they came from and the family they create as an adult). In Bowen’s original research, he said, “On one level each family member is an individual. But on a deeper level the central family group is as one.” (The Origins of Family Psychotherapy, page 109).
This also relates to what Pope Francis said about getting “caught up in oneself.” There would be more to the picture than just how one person sees it or experiences it (just as there is more to the picture of the solar system than what happens on one planet) and that being able to zoom out and see the whole family system would be a part of forward movement.
Why does this matter for mental health? Well, I’ll tell you what. After ten years of coaching* individuals and families according to this theory, I am more hopeful than ever about the family as an opportunity. In a time when “going no contact” with one’s parents yields thousands of results on Google (most of them articles with professionals advising folks to do it), Natural Family Systems Theory takes an optimistic approach to the change that one can achieve by working out problems in the family. As Dr. Bowen would say: “That which is created in a relationship can be fixed in a relationship.”
Now, I’m not going to promise anyone “fast results in 10 easy steps,” because I don’t believe that quick-fixes exist. But it is quite easy for me to say emphatically that I have seen so much growth and transformation for individuals, couples and families over the years that I think Dr. Bowen knew what he was talking about, and discovered a way of thinking about families—as an opportunity, not the problem—that is accurate, and as such, yields results. I’ve seen many individuals from many backgrounds use his way of thinking to create change in themselves and their relationships, and as they do, I’ve seen mental health symptoms decrease and emotional strength, maturity and flexibility increase.
I think an essential part of Bowen’s work was his realization that one person working on himself or herself, while staying in relationship with the family, could transform a whole family. This would be closely tied to his key perspective that once a person can understand how stress, anxiety and the natural system of the family interact in a mutual and predictable way, it becomes easier to see that no one is perfect (including oneself). Here’s a little more from Pope Francis, echoing similar thoughts:
“Nowadays we talk a lot about the future, about the kind of world we want to leave to our children, the kind of society we want for them. I believe that one possible answer lies in looking at yourselves, at this family which spoke to us. Let us leave behind a world with families. No doubt about it: the perfect family does not exist; there are no perfect husbands and wives, perfect parents, perfect children or–if they will not get mad at me for saying this, perfect mothers-in-law. Those families don’t exist. But that does not prevent families from being the answer for the future. God inspires us to love, and love always engages with the persons it loves. Love always engages with the persons it loves. So let us care for our families, true schools for the future. Let us care for our families, true spaces of freedom. Let us care for families, true centers of humanity.” (ibid above).
What a beautiful way to say it. That families are “true schools” is incredibly accurate from a psychological point of view, and also that families cultivating a space of true freedom and love would be a great psychological goal too.
Speaking of the love of God, I have found that Natural Family Systems Theory is in harmony with a robustly Catholic anthropology, and many of my clients who have worked on change from this viewpoint are Catholic. And indeed, grace and faith have been an essential part of their transformation! Perhaps I’ll offer more on that in the next article.
Interested in giving this approach a try and located in Texas? Send me a message via my directory profile link found in my bio. Blessings to you and your family in this year of hope!
*Bowen Theory oftentimes advocates for a coaching-style relationship with clients, rather than doctor-patient. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, and yet I also use the language of coaching to honor the client’s own agency for change.
To connect with Rachel Gardner, visit her directory profile at
https://find.catholictherapists.com/rachel-gardner-ma-lpc
- In This Year of Hope, How About Giving This a Try? - July 3, 2025
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