A reflection on pain, self-care, and the pursuit of growth through grace and grit.
Have you ever experienced the kind of acute pain that completely alters your focus, shortens your patience, and shifts your entire routine?
For the past four months, I’ve been living in the ebb and flow of shoulder and cervical spine pain. For weeks, I feel fine. Then one day, I’m paralyzed by deep, persistent discomfort. When pain peaks, it consumes me. I grow irritable, complain, and slide into self-pity. But worse than the pain is the shame – shame that I’m not tougher, that I don’t bear it more quietly like others seem to.
These moments when our weaknesses are exposed are times to recognize growth opportunities.
St. John Paul II said, “Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.” In suffering, we can still sing. From the shadows, we seek light. We fall, rise, and try again. Hope and joy are born through the Resurrection.
Weakness as the Soil of Growth
This pain has become more than a physical trial, it’s a spiritual and mental challenge. It requires endurance and invites me to reframe my thoughts and become a better coach to others and myself.
I’ve taken practical steps with physical therapy, heat, ice, posture work, lidocaine patches, sleep aids, and prayer. I even dictate instead of typing to avoid strain. But the real transformation isn’t external.
Grit, Grace, and the Hidden Gifts in Pain
Psychologist Angela Duckworth defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals.” Pain challenges both. Through a lens of faith, grit while enduring pain means staying hopeful and faithful in discomfort, trusting that meaning exists, even in suffering.
This past Lent, I felt more reflective of Christ’s suffering. I have become intimately connected to His love than ever before.
True resilience in faith isn’t just about bouncing back. It’s about restoration. The season of Easter we bask in the glory of the resurrection of Christ, knowing we’re never alone when darkness falls upon us.
This past Lent, I felt more reflective of Christ’s suffering. I have become intimately connected to His love than ever before. Yet, I nearly skipped Good Friday service. The pain was strong and, technically, it’s not a Holy Day of Obligation. But I went because it’s such momentous day I would never miss. Alone in a crowded church, I considered that there had to be countless others that carried silent pain. Shame crept in again as I grabbed for my neck because I seemed to be the only one squirming.
But pain isn’t a competition.
We are the Body of Christ, and suffering takes many forms. Comparison isolates. Instead, pain invites us to empathy and sanctification. It’s a bridge, not a barrier, to grace.
As St. Thérèse of Lisieux reminds us:
“Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.”
Even when we accomplish little outwardly, our inner offerings matter. Every breath, every moment of quiet endurance, every small sacrifice becomes sacred when rooted in love.
What Does the Church Teach About Grace?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes sanctifying grace (in para. 2000) as:
A “habitual gift, a stable and supernatural disposition that perfects the soul itself to enable it to live with God, to act by his love. Habitual grace, the permanent disposition to live and act in keeping with God’s call, is distinguished from actual graces which refer to God’s interventions, whether at the beginning of conversion or in the course of the work of sanctification.”
Further, in para. 2001, it explains:
“We are collaborating with God who works, for his mercy has gone before us. It has gone before us so that we may be healed, and follows us so that once healed, we may be given life; it goes before us so that we may be called, and follows us so that we may be glorified; it goes before us so that we may live devoutly, and follows us so that we may always live with God: for without him we can do nothing.”
Inner Questions for Reflection
These experiences have invited me to coach myself with gentleness. Maybe these questions will resonate:
- What is the gift in this pain?
- How will I grow in faithfulness, humility, and gratitude today?
- What small acts of love can I offer others even while hurting?
- How can I show mercy to myself and advocate for my well-being?
- What will I do with the gift of pain-free time?
- What is this pain revealing about my life and choices?
- How will I seek Christ and sanctification, both in weakness and in strength?
Loving the Hurting Version of Ourselves
In Catholic teaching, love of others is central, but not at the expense of self-neglect. Stewardship includes self-care. When we tend to our health of body, mind, and spirit so we become more available for others.
I’m learning to love the “me” that hurts, not just the productive or high-performing version. I’m discovering that God meets us in our limitations, not despite them.
If you are hurting or stuck in shame of virtuous shortcomings, know this: You are not alone. Weakness is not failure. It is a place where grace dwells, where the Holy Spirit strengthens and sanctifies us. Our strength is not measured in perfection but in showing up, adapting, and choosing forgiveness and love again and again.
When we lean into faith, even in hardship, that’s where we find lasting joy. Even in pain. Even in loss.
As I finish writing this, my pain has softened. Will it stay gone? I don’t know. But I am grateful.
And dinner tonight? It’s going to be amazing.
References:
Catholic Church. (2000). Catechism of the Catholic Church (2nd ed.). Our Sunday Visitor.
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.
To connect with Suzi Ellington, visit her directory profile at
https://www.catholiclifecoaches.com/suzanne-ellington
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