Probably one of the most commonly ignored dictates of Jesus is to pray for those who hurt you. Let’s face it, it doesn’t come naturally. It’s so much easier to plot revenge and lick our wounds. The problem with that approach though is it keeps us attached to the very person who has hurt us and magnifies their power to hurt us even more. Another problem with this approach is we give them too much control over our thoughts and feelings…like giving them space rent-free in our hearts and heads.
So perhaps we should ponder this a little more seriously. There are two good reasons to pray for those who hurt you. The first is simple: Jesus said so. We don’t always need to understand or be on board but we always should obey our good God. A child may not always understand a parent’s reasoning not to run out in traffic, but they should listen. It’s playing on the safe side. Listening to Jesus is enough of a reason to get you started.
I experienced this firsthand many years ago after experiencing a terrible hurt from a friend. The attack came so out of the blue and was so wounding that I didn’t know where to go with it. I’d been hurt before but never like this. I sat in church one day just boiling and asking what to do, when the scripture came to me: Pray for those who hurt you. Was He kidding me?! It seemed ridiculous and impossible. I didn’t even know what the goal of praying was…for reconciliation? That didn’t seem feasible or even desirable at this point. I didn’t want to let her off the hook. How she treated me was terrible. Even worse, I knew she was probably talking to mutual friends and spreading venom about me. I could start talking too and defend myself, but that might only make me look guilty and weak. I knew silence was the right answer but I had to find a way to calm the storm inside me. Anger really can be a cross. It’s unpleasant and even sickening at times.
So, He said to pray for this person who had hurt me. I didn’t feel any good feelings toward her at all. So, making the prayers up from the heart wasn’t going to work. I could though say a Hail Mary or an Our Father. Okay. Just one a day…or whenever she came to mind.
In the beginning I spit them out like bullets. No feelings. No forgiveness in my heart. Still just anger. But Jesus hadn’t commanded me not to be upset. He hadn’t told me how to feel, just to pray. So, I did. For weeks, then months, and then years. The most astounding thing happened. Over time the anger left me. I felt sorry for her. I started to understand other stressors in her life. I remembered the great blessing she had been in my life. Thanks to her and her husband I started taking my Catholic faith more seriously. I started to understand the teachings that once confused me and became more and more consistent in my own belief and faith walk. I came back full time and fully committed to the Church. I got involved in the pro-life movement—probably the greatest blessing in my life.
Eventually I realized there was something more going on than our personal argument. It wasn’t actually about us. I started to understand spiritual warfare. How the devil could take something good, find our weaknesses, and fan the flames and try to destroy it. How the devil retaliates when we do God’s work…which she had—and quite well.
So, I continued to pray but finally more from the heart. My feelings changed based on my action of praying which triggered the action of grace. We reconciled years later. She told me she held onto her anger much longer than I had. I felt so bad for her to have been carrying that burden! I had let it go long before. I was free. Since that time, we’ve both grown. God brought amazing graces in both of our lives. She’s gone on to do enormous things for the Church and for suffering souls. His grace is truly amazing.
Which leads me to the second reason to pray for those who hurt you…because God loves them. Because He has a plan for them. Because they may need prayers that may never come were it not for the hurt, they caused you. Because God loves you too and wants to bring good out of the pain He’s allowed in your life. Because hurt should not have the final say in your heart, love should. In our pain is His power…if we listen to His words. After all He has the words of eternal life.
Allison is also the Founder and President of www.CatholicTherapists.com, and CatholicLifeCoaches.com, which provide nationwide networks of screened and dedicated Catholic therapists and Catholic life coaches.
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