The Raphael Remedy

Your “Self-Talk” Affects Your Demeanor and Your Outlook

by | Apr 25, 2024 | Coaching

Most of us recognize that we speak to ourselves on an almost constant basis. Research has shown that if we really examine this “self-talk” and keep track of what we say to ourselves, we will notice that the thoughts we are having are recurring, repetitive and, for many of us, largely not supportive (i.e., negative).

Here is a personal example: My father was quite ill during the pandemic and between coordinating his care, directly caring for him, working, navigating the limitations the pandemic instigated and trying to wedge in some self-care, I found myself very tired and overwhelmed. I had repeated this to friends I had spoken to, and in my head, there was a thought that kept looping: “I am so exhausted and overwhelmed with everything there is to do.”

It is embarrassing to admit, but this went on for a couple of days, and while I got a bit of relief from sharing with friends, I caught myself one day and thought “What if you change up what you’re saying to yourself Christine?” So, I replaced the “I’m so tired and overwhelmed with all there is to do” with “I can do this. I can take one thing at a time, one day at a time and move forward.” Almost immediately, some of the exhaustion lifted and I started to feel stronger and more empowered verses dragging and depressed. And no major surprise, my outlook became much more positive.

So, if how you talk to yourself affects your demeanor and your outlook then what can you do?
Being aware of what you are saying to yourself is critical to understanding how it is affecting your demeanor and your outlook, so the first step is to sit quietly and really notice what you say to yourself. Write the phrases down. Then ask yourself, “What could I say to myself that could help me feel more positive, empowered and productive?” You will get some answers. Adopt these answers and phrases as your new “self-talk” and you will be on your way to feeling and acting more powerfully.

As a coach, overcoming negative self-talk is one area I coach many of my clients on—and becoming aware of what we are saying to ourselves is the important first step.

It took me a couple of days to get there, but I did and that is what counts. For some it might take a few weeks to change their “self-talk.” No matter how long it takes you it will be worth it. It will transform your life for the better. My hope is that in sharing my story, someone else can start to get out from under some depressing and limiting “self-talk.”

As a certified coach for over 15 years, my work has evolved with my ever-growing faith journey as a practicing Catholic. I would love to coach you, encourage you, and help you create a plan for moving forward. I will gladly offer a brief consultation call to see if you think we would be a good fit.

Christine Fontana
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